The wind speaks in chaos today. Her unpredictability mapping my own inner cadence. Her voice echoing the hollowness, the uncertainty of feeling ungrounded.

I am a 30-year-old woman without a job, endlessly asserting my presence to any organization who will listen. Am I a ghost? I wonder. This is the first time I have said this publicly. My ego, my sense of security afraid to admit that I am anything but.

Questions circle through my mind- how did I get here? A parroting of what I believe to be the collective reflection- how did we get here?

Where too many animals are suffocated by the cages we call roads and too many birds die from perceiving windows as water. Seeking life causing death, over and over again.

How did we get here and what do we do now? What do I do now? I’m tired of learning to be and now I want to do. To act in service to this earth that we have lost to becoming a world.

I have tried so many directions. I have also surrendered. I think. For it may not be complete if the waiting is consistently filled with worry. If the waiting is tinted by trying to turn that worry into wisdom.

There are no answers, yet. There is an exponential increase in despair and the search for hope that is teetering towards hopelessness.

Father Saturn is depressing our energy, pushing it into the subconscious realms. Drowning us in the sea of interconnectedness that we are not watering. There’s too much trash in the ocean turning Piscean empathy into apathy out of necessity. But this is the disillusionment. That apathy is truth, when rather, each of us deeply cares. We want to escape from, yet we know we need to reach towards. We just don’t know how to clean the streams that connect us- literally and metaphorically.

I’ve reckoned with hopelessness. If you have too, you are not alone. The teacher of the sky wants us to swim in this river so we may learn to leave this current.

How? I am not sure.

The equal marriage of action and surrender will give us our vows soon. Mars entered cancer. Warriorship, advocacy, vitality charging through the realms of receptivity, sacred motherhood, emotions. Like running through the shallows, we may feel like our race towards embrace is met with resistance. Our want to fight for something becoming a buoy. It is keeping us afloat, yet we look around at an endless horizon. No clarity in direction, bobbing in an abyssal pause.

There is so much happening underneath the surface. We just can’t see it. The giver of foundation, remember, is dancing in the realm of the unseen. He is asking we trust the structure being given to subtle energy and spirit.

We tread water and wonder, how did we get here? Good, he says. Let all of life reflect back to you for a moment so you can decide how you want to actively participate in it.

This spaciousness is being filled by the gaseous planet- Jupiter. In Gemini, the sign of thought, they fill the vessel of us. Let them. But don’t let them pull you to the depths of fear caused by the unknown, the uncertainty, let them paint the vast canvas of possibility above you. The same heavens we all look at. Let them turn into plump clouds of potential so when the time comes, they will rain upon and nourish a new earth.

But for now, the death doula of Pluto wants us in this purgatory. What do we want our rebirth to look like? Not "our" as an individual, but as a universally intimate web of people, and stars, and plants, and creatures. This is his domain- the all.

In Capricorn, we climbed many mountains, we also conquered. Is this the legacy we want to leave? Are we a collective of conquerers or are we a collective of creators weaving a new story?

This liminality is where we discern whether our thread will dissolve or determine the loom of love Saturn is ready to spin.

The devotion is easy, the execution is not. This is unprecedented. If you do not have answers, give yourself compassion, for nobody does. How would we when our guidance has been one of greed, not of grace?

Thank you for having the grit to birth something new. The great mother thanks you. Time trusts you.