Trauma at its root is a disconnection from self. All of us, wherever we are from or however we grew up, have experienced the trauma of separation from our authenticity and natural, emotional expression. This happens when feelings, fears, and the depth of our being are not able to be witnessed and held by those who love us. This inability to safely and fully process emotions causes them to be trapped within our bodies, which then manifest as rigid self-degrading and inhibiting beliefs.

These beliefs can find their way into our present, tinting our current truth with unworthiness. 

Society teaches us to decrease our explorative movement and to instead think our way through our feelings and discomforts. However, we must speak the language of trauma for it to heal, and as trauma is intimately connected with the body- our first language being movement- we can't heal trauma with thought alone. This is the bottom-up approach: the wisdom that transforming our relationship to our body naturally changes our interpretation of life. 

As a lifelong athlete, my first bouts of deep depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and self trapping came when I went to college and my resource of movement decreased. Without the rigorous processing through my body, my mind became hyperactive with self limiting beliefs, shaming thought patterns, and my body was overwhelmed by energy from the past that was not being moved in other ways. I was festering in a cage built by all the abuse, hyper vigilance, and violence I grew up with. For years I described it, bypassed it, but I never felt it- I was too ashamed to be perceived as anything but the peacemaker that helped to keep my family alive.  

As my body began to speak repression through panic attacks, debilitating fear, and chronic pain that had me fearing death, I disassociated. I was now looking at my life as if from above, as if from behind a glass wall that nobody could hear me through. 

I was there but I wasn’t and all I wanted was to feel alive in the presence of my life. All I wanted was to feel love in my body for my friends, my work, and my experiences. All I wanted was to know what I even wanted. All I wanted was my life to feel like mine. 

After almost a decade of the seemingly uncontrollable waves of presence versus insurmountable fear, I found my way to yoga, breathwork, somatic expression, and dance. Through these modalities I began to come home to my body, the place where our past, our patterns, truly live in the cells of our being. 

As I moved, breathed, danced, and shook, the literal molecular structure of my being was given the opportunity to reshuffle. I was unraveling and becoming. I still am. But now, I am more connected to my truth, strength, trust, desires, and boundaries.  

This is what somatic practice does for us. It shakes us back awake by literally reforming our being. 

As we move in new ways, we give the opportunity for our future to be built upon a new foundation. As we intuitively dance we connect to the impermanent and improvisational essence of life and we build confidence in our ability to adapt. Moment by moment, we must find our footing, or fall and get back up- just like life.

When we move, our emotions flow, and when they flow during something enjoyable, we learn we can hold multiple truths. That joy and pain can coexist. That the past can be turned into art and poetry as it moves through us. 

When these same emotions flow while we are in a safe container or community m, we build the assurance that feeling them does not have to lead to danger, violence, or punishment. We learn to be secure in feeling. 

When we move in ways we enjoy, rather than how we believe we should, we learn that pursuing our enjoyment and WHO WE ARE is safe. 

I can’t say I don’t experience highs and lows, for this is a fact of life. But I can say I feel more present than I ever have. I experience more ease, peace, and have (for the most part) transformed a fear of myself into a trust of my soul. 

I have the courage to be seen, for not everything is tinted by the belief that being me is unsafe. I have the openness to be loved, because the story of love being pain has been cleared. 

I have learned to cultivate safety in my own body by allowing emotion and sensation.  With this newly found safety, I have an infinite resource no matter the winds of the outside world. 

I have learned to accept that emotions, sensations, thoughts, are just life force energy manifesting in a certain way in a certain moment. They don't need to be used as a tool to shame or punish ourselves, but instead are simply passing visitors that don't always have to have meaning. 

To feel alive is to be with our body in our infinitely expressed aliveness. It is cultivating faith that we can be authentic with and amidst the constant change of our internal and external world. From here, everything else will fall into place. 

And when we learn to hold and witness ourselves in this way, we expand our compassion to all bodies and beings. From us, the healing moves outwards. 

A life change starts with a change in relationship to our momentary self and I am so excited to spend moments with you- multiple beings being alive together, whatever that means in each second. All is allowed. All is welcome. 

As a dedicated pursuer of authenticity, I can’t wait to meet your aliveness. Whether in private or group, online or in person, I am so excited to craft dynamic, transformative journeys that help us to experience the peace of presence, partner with the beauty of life, dance with the unseen, create art from our stories, and build sovereignty and safety so our soul may be expressed. 

Connection is how we transmute trauma and move forward. So, let's connect!